We brought no cute toy home on January 24th when we were blessed with a baby girl.

Since her birth, I have been overwhelmed by so many things, but the major thoughts that have been haunting me were: Have I cursed this baby by bringing it into the world?
Into this cruel world?
Into Egypt’s era of neverending inflation and sociocultural deterioration?
Into these circumstances?

What have I done?

This article is not about antinatalism or parenting; therefore, I’ll give you a little bit of context.
My wife and I delayed parenthood for over a year after our wedding, despite pressure from both our mothers to have a child sooner. We finally felt ready to start a family after 16 months of marriage.

We were afraid.

Despite our fear, after a lot of thinking, and with lots of therapy, we got the courage to do it. Though our hearts pounded with fear, we bravely stepped into the unknown.

Depression for Everyone!

Due to hormonal changes, lack of sleep, and stress of adjusting to parenthood; it is known that a big percentage of new mothers get depressed after childbirth. But did you know that 10% of new fathers experience postpartum depression (PPD) too?

You just finished supporting your wife in her third trimester with all its anticipation and anxiety, to find out that you started another chapter that should be full of joy but carries a heavy weight of responsibility.

Most of the help the new mother gets is about her physical health, little that goes to her mental health. However, it is crucial that the main caregiver is given support if she’s having baby blues or postpartum depression.

For the mental health of the new mother as well as for the baby’s wellbeing. PPD causes delays in the cognitive and emotional development of the baby and reduces mother-infant bonding can obviously affect the newborn negatively.

All talk is about the mother? What about the new father?
Overlooked in all of this?

The New Father’s Dilemma: Balancing Finances and Parenting

New fathers typically worry about two main things: finances and the fear of not being a good parent. These concerns are often interrelated, as working hard to provide for the family can make it difficult to spend time with the children and learn about positive parenting styles.

While it is important for new fathers to be open and honest with their partners about their financial concerns, is it ever the right time to discuss such things while the mother is often feeling sad or depressed most of the day, nearly every day?

I’ll skip the well-known and frequently discussed topic of sleepless nights for new parents, which is a commonly discussed topic between Egyptian couples and new parents. The lack of sleep can have a negative impact on work and all other activities the next day.

Speaking of activities, when did an act as simple as going for a walk late at night is become burdened with an extra layer of responsibility?

Nonetheless, the matter is a lot bigger than a couple of weeks of interrupted sleep.

Having children is a “transformative experience” as Laurie Paul calls it.
Becoming a parent is an experience that will change you forever, in ways that you cannot anticipate. When you are a parent, you are a different person. You have different priorities, different interests, and different drives.

Conclusion

It is fun to have a new baby, especially when the baby is more than 6 months old and they start smiling. Or more than 8 months and starts babbling or making funny facial expressions in response to tasting lemon for the first time. However, no doubt that this is going to be one hell of an endeavor.

At first, I was a perfectionist, seeking to do everything perfectly. But after a series of challenges and all-or-none situations, I realized that perfectionism was only causing me pain. The curse of perfectionism

Perfect parenting is unattainable.
Perfect parenting is an illusion.

As a parent, your top priorities should be to help your child thrive, minimize the risk of trauma, and eradicate the possibility of suicidal tendencies.

At the end of the day, unless you are a self-centered narcissistic parent, you would want to provide your kids with the best upbringing.

This means building their self-esteem and self-worth; and instilling purpose and core values.

These are all far more important than sending them to the new British school in town, which is often a behavior mostly motivated by a desire for social status or a subconscious urge to do the opposite of what they experienced from their own parents.

Break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.